Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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