i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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