Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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