he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
