I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
