Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
