i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize