i may or may not be watching the land before time
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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