Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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