omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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