I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
