Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
