I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize