Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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