I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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