I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
