I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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