OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
