he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
