Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
