I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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