I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
