between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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