wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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