On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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