i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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