you guys were way drunker than both of me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
