I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.