I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
