Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
