my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
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I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
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Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.