were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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