Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
