party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
