Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
