he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
