I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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