I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
