I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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