i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
