im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
