she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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