Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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