Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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