Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
