I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
