Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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