Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
