Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
