It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
