This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
