sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
