thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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