I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fill condoms, not promises.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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