She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
