Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
