on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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