I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
