So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
