do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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