i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
