Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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