I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
this will be a night to untag.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
