I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
