When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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