Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
