just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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