when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
