Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
