member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
