I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
