So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
