I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
