I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
