You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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