I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
