theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
