How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
