Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
