I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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