either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
