Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
